In the rollercoaster ride that is the human condition, we all face our fair share of ups and downs, including failure. It’s a part of life that can knock the wind out of our sails, leaving us questioning our abilities and the paths we choose. The way we deal with failures is, to some extent, very subjective and different for everyone. Nonetheless, in this post I want to offer my framework on how to cope with failure and setbacks.
First, let me quickly specify the different kinds of failures, and how to cope with them. I broadly classify three different kinds of failures. Failure, in this context, simply refers to performing substantially worse at something than expected or aimed at.
Effort-based failure
This type of failure is deeply intertwined with the choices and commitments we make—or fail to make—when approaching a task or goal. It is characterized by a lack of full commitment and the resulting failure. This failure is easier to deal with than other types – after all it means that you are not lacking the ability but rather not giving the task everything you have. For me personally, these failures, though bitter, offer clear lessons on how improvements can be made, primarily through increased effort or engagement. That means that I maintain a feeling of autonomy and control over an outcome. Effort-based failures underscore the principle that more personal investment can potentially change results in future attempts. This direct causality offers me a sense of empowerment and responsibility, which I value a lot.
At the same time, I think that it’s also crucial to consider whether a self-selected goal or task was truly suitable for me if I found myself unwilling to commit fully to it and subsequently failed.
Situational failure
Situational or external failures occur due to circumstances outside an individual’s control. Recognizing that some failures stem from factors beyond one’s control can be both a source of consolation and frustration. Severe kinds of these failures can lead to a feeling of hopelessness and the view that the game of life is not fair but rigged.
However, I want to offer a slightly different perspective to think about these kinds of failures: I don’t believe in fate or the notion that the game is fundamentally rigged for some of us. Rather, these kinds of failures are a result of pure chance, they are a part of the game for every one of us. (This is not to imply that some people will get extraordinary unlucky, and experience extremes tragedies that I don’t want to downplay in any form). The vast majority of us will experience a random but not uniform distribution of situational failures. Clustering is expected, and not evidence of a rigged game.
Accepting this gives you some autonomy back: endurance and resistance matter – better times are ahead.
I’m also a big believer in the concept of increasing one’s surface area of luck, where certain actions can expose you to a higher than expected amount of luck.
Ability-based failure
My third and last category to think about failure is ability-based failure. At its core, it is the point at which you confront your current limits of their skills, knowledge, or physical capacity. Despite giving 100%, the challenge at hand surpasses what you are capable of achieving at that moment. This form of failure is not about lack of trying or a shortfall in dedication; rather, it’s a clear signal that the boundaries of one’s current capabilities have been met or exceeded in a controlled environment. For me personally, this is the hardest failure to cope with. As someone who values autonomy and believes in the power of one’s own decision and action more than anything, this is especially painful: It sometimes puts a sudden dent into my “anything is possible with hard work” attitude. Ability-based failure can be increased in a competitive environment like school or university, where your whole performance is reduced to a number. It inevitable leads to self-doubt about one’s capability, intelligence and talent. I call this the Peak-Performance-Paradox. Why do I fail, even though I commit maximal effort to one task?
It forces me to painfully accept and acknowledge my limits. Nonetheless, I still think that there is something this failure can teach me. I believe that to succeed in life, one has to exploit their own strength as much as possible. Before that, however, one has to figure out where exactly those strengths are, something that is not as trivial as it might seem. In other words, ability-based failure can be a sign that you are simply playing the wrong games. In those games, other peers naturally have an upside, resulting in one of two things: Either competing becomes hopeless all the way, or you have to put in a more than proportional amount of effort. Not ideal and not helping with leveraging one’s strength. I’m aware that reality is as always a bit more nuanced here. In a lot of situations where ability-based failure appears, there is simply nothing you can do to change the game. Most prominent examples includes High School, where students have to be master of all trades to succeed. Nonetheless, eventually, by choosing a suitable career path, it is usually possible to play the games where one is naturally better than his or her peers. Those are the games that get you ahead in life and lead to a compounding and successful career.
In summary, the exploration of different types of failures —effort-based, situational, and ability-based—serves as a crucial aspect of our personal evolution. Each category offers unique insights and implications that, when properly understood and managed, can significantly enhance our resilience and adaptability. By confronting these failures head-on, we have the opportunity to refine our strategies, recalibrate our goals, and ultimately find the paths that align most closely with our strengths and aspirations.